Moving my blog

My blog is moving to Tumblr just because I like the layout more...lol

That's about it here's the new link if anyone actually follows this...

azndrummer09.tumblr.com

College...

Well found out I got wait-listed to transfer to JMU. I guess it's reasonable since my 4.0 consisted of only 14 credits in 1 semester of a 4 year college. That and none of the courses I took applied for a direct transfer for requirement classes and would only be elective credits...But, the 16 credit classes I'm taking currently all do so guess hopefully I should pull off a 3.6 or a 3.8 this semester. Nervous still, gotta do well on all of my finals now and gotta make sure I get into JMU. I find out probably Late May/June, or even August for their decision. Not gonna make summer easy are they...well I'm tougher than that, and I'm this this for all or nothing. I'm giving it all I got.

Panic

Jeez it's been a long week...
Well, saw on some of my friends' statuses that JMU transfer letters got sent out...sadly no one is at home currently to check if I had received a letter from them :( Luckily I got a few friends from home that went back for Easter that are gonna check for it for me. Ugh I wish I knew what happened or if they even sent me something. Something is better than nothing!!! Who knows what will reside within that envelope. Don't think I've ever been as scared as I am now to find out a decision from them.

Crossing my fingers...

April

WHAT WILL IT BE?!

So yay April Fools, wooo...w/e not the point of this post haha.

More importantly it's the last month of classes and even more importantly it's when I find out if they'll take me @ JMU in April, or I get waitlisted and they need to see my grades in May...This has gotten me so anxious recently and major stress left and right. Can't really sleep either because I constantly think about the future. Ha, I even found myself on this website called collegeconfidential.com which has forums to pretty much every single university or college in the U.S. Found a forum of other transfer students waiting also, so good to know I'm not the only one just as anxious for a decision. Though none of the others have received decisions yet either so we all assume it won't be until mid-April. Great more waiting huh? Well still gotta do well in school which is the stressful part. Honestly I wish I was accepted so I could get this weight lifted off of me and just go with mediocre B's instead of attempting straight A's again haha. Well it's 3:40am I should probably go to bed now instead of blogging more...

Can't Sleep

It's funny, sometimes the oddest things bother you. What's even worse is they typically bother you when try to go to bed. I'm looking back and you wonder, why does this even happen? Asking myself, thought I was over it? Or better yet, why am I thinking about this in the first place? Yet cannot get it out of my head?

What's going on is my future, except this time I'm looking more in a perspective of God/Christianity.
Now, I'm not the most religious person ever and I do not have the best knowledge of the Bible, but I do consider myself a Christian. I believe in heaven an afterlife and I believe in God that he has a master plan and everything happens for a reason because it follows up into that plan.
How does my beliefs tie into what I'm thinking about? Well I was thinking about the path of my future and my past. Makes me wonder, why did I choose to go to VCU in the first place? Is there a lesson that was to be taught from attending the school here? What is the reason for my mistakes here and the suffering and sorrow I have went through in the last school year? I've came up with a lot of answers: To discover myself, find out who I really am instead of who I thought I was. To motivate myself more to make myself better than what I am with this transfer. Or maybe it's just another test or road block in life that's different for all. Maybe it's all three? Who knows, I just continue to contemplate about it.
As for my future, I'm thinking about consequences. If I get my transfer, I'll be happy (At least I hope I will). If I don't maybe it's a message from god, to stay away from JMU. Maybe it's his sign that I'm not meant to be there. Who knows...

Another thought is one of my friends at JMU. She's a really good friend of mine, but I constantly think her 2 of her friends there don't really like me. Just a weird vibe you know? I always meant to ask her if they hated me several times, but it always blows by my head every time we talk (which we talk very often so idk how that happens lol). It's funny how much this bothers me, though honestly I'd like to know the answer. There are plenty of reasons I can think of why they might dislike me, but I won't get into it...

Maybe I can get some sleep now...

Looking back....

Earlier I was pretty bored sitting in the common room of my dorm suite. Then found myself to be watching one of the NCAA elite 8 games (Butler vs Kansas State, and congratz to Butler for the final 4). Anywho during the game, I figured I'd blog about something since I was bored...well tough luck on me I couldn't think of anything.

Because of that I found myself going to Shafer Court for food. While I was waiting for my omelet to be cooked I sat around by the bar looking around at everyone there. Then the thought came...I know what to blog about...

I looked around the student body that resides in Shafer Court, I found all sorts of different people, culture, race, interests, beliefs etc. I know I'm already attempting to transfer out of the school, but looking back on the beginning of my first semester here, I made a lot of mistakes. Not necessarily that I regret these things, it was more like, my future at VCU could have been more likable and I might have decided to stay here and have a fun time. Here's what I ended up comprising what I could have done:

1): Instead of sticking to trying to be better friends with people who I barely knew from high school, I should have sought out complete new people.
Looking at this, I hung out with a lot of friends that I was familiar with from high school that were only acquaintances. Not that is necessarily a bad thing, but I came to hang out with people from home a lot more for the first couple of weeks. By that time in those 3 to 4 weeks, people formed their groups; and when I found out these weren't people I'd like to be that close of friends with because of differences, I was left in the dust.
2): Should have joined a Fraternity.
I came into college thinking, forget Greek Life, just full of giant douchers anyways. Well when I got to college that ideal completely changed. Sure some still fit that stereotypical douchebag kind of mentality, but I came to find that at VCU since there's so much diversity groups among kids, some frats were the closest thing to my liking of people wise.
3): My Ex-Girlfriend
We broke up because she felt like it was better for the relationship and the friendship. I didn't see her point of view then, I'm a hopeless romantic, I didn't want it to end. We ended up taking a break and then into about half of 1st semester then split completely. Looking at that, I spent too much time thinking about her, worrying about her and etc, when she was having the time of her life. Well as I did that, I focused a lot less on meeting new people...too much living in the past...and well simple as that she has found friends easily and now I didn't. Our relationship is a mystery to the future I won't get into that. But littles too late for that. Then again I think upon this and she's in band in college and has an opportunity there unlike the one I have here at VCU so friendship came by probably a lot easier to her, but littles too late and I won't dwell on this point.
4): Stick with VCU Club Lacrosse
I met some really cool people while playing ball here and I do miss playing lacrosse a lot. But I quit it only because I wanted to focus on transferring. This point can only get considered if the other above three points never happened. Because I would have considered staying here and sticking out with VCU Lacrosse.
5): My Roommate
Don't get me wrong on this, my roommate is cool, but I feel like I should have done more in searching for one back in summer. This ones probably the most minor point. I look back at all the potential roommates I had for VCU and I wish i roomed with someone else about now. My roommate is fun, but would never be able to be as close of friends as some other people and that's not what really what I wanted out of my first roommate in college at least. I look at other people I could have roomed with and we could have became really close friends, joined a frat together, sports, etc.

A lot of these points are a little too late now. My transfer app has been sent for months so nothing can change the path I'm on, there is no U-Turn right now. All or nothing, JMU or bust and go to NOVA. I heavily focused my transfer based on the people here. Well looking back, that's not that big of a problem, I just fucked up. I mean people here are different, but I never gave a good enough effort to make myself like the place. But, then again, should you really force yourself in doing something you don't like in the first place? Besides that, looking on this, even the people I could be close with at VCU, I would be changing myself a lot. Something I would not like to see myself be. Lastly I dislike the area anyways, nothing to do. Another thought is a lot of kids want a VCU football team. Well we maybe the largest school in VA, but think about the kids at our school. Our Basketball team is pretty damn good (Larry Sanders, LS1 I believe) and not every game is even sold out. Obviously there is not enough sports enthusiastic people at our school, so if we can barely fill 7,500 seats (of which only like 1000-2000 seats are students) how would you expect to fill a stadium of 50,000+ seats? Sorry VCU, but our school is heavily art, urban, and liberal typed to have something like that. I mean possibly the city can fill the rest, but who knows. Also we would not make it into the ACC or any D1 TRIPLE A division instantly...example ODU, our rivals, are only D1 AA...you gotta start somewhere small and expand. We'd possibly be able to fill up 15,000 fans however.

Anyways enough ranting...all thats in the past and it's just on my thoughts about my past. These AREN'T regrets, but just things I could have done differently and I'm happy on the path I'm committing now.

I can't wait...

The last half of Freshmen spring semester has started, and I already cannot wait for it to end. So many plans already and a long summer to go through. That and I just cannot wait for my reply from JMU in May of whether I get my transfer to their school. Too many great things to look forward to, I just wish I had a time machine or something haha.

Though I still constantly worry about the consequences of if I don't get in to the school. I'm still contemplating on whether attending VCU for the remainder of college for 3 more years or NOVA one year and possibly transferring to JMU or somewhere else with an Associates Degree. So I have no idea what to do...a lot of options with either choice too...but a lot of decisions that could end up bad. I guess we'll see, but I can't stop thinking about summer and what I'll do if I get into JMU for transfer :)

Afraid

Haven't blogged in awhile so gonna combine two topics into one :)

"I am afraid right now
Don't want to let you down
And I'm the only one who can't be saved"

"And I wonder if I ever cross your mind...
For me it happens all the time"

Being a afraid, another word for fear is just a natural evil. I often wonder and wish I wasn't so afraid of the future and could think more in the present. I'm trying my best to do that recently, or at least to think about the present and the very near future (1-2 weeks from now).

Anyways often I get relapses of my past, but it's been awhile since I've over thought things to this caliber. As I said before, relationships never really die out when they're gone, you always have a certain special bond/connection with the person if it ends well. Yet why I am so afraid just to dial the number just talk one on one for guidance? I mean I eventually did and it was a great choice, but why be that afraid and second guess yourself. Talking to your friends about problems in life is an awesome choice, but sometimes you just want more, you want to talk to that someone that you think can understand you more.

Going into the next part, ever wonder if the other side of the relationship ever thinks of you as much as you do about them? Though I guess it's not a bad thing to wonder about; I mean what if they don't then you're kinda screwed, so maybe better off not finding out haha.

Anywho summing it up, sometimes a best friend, or a regular friendship isn't enough, you want someone who can understand exactly *THAT* well.

Lyrics above are:
Yellowcard: Afraid
Lady Antebellum: Need You Now

Ever Wonder...

One thing that's such a natural evil in the world is the state of a relationship after it's over. I'm not talking about the regular depression either side gets, I'm talking about how you can never even be a close friend to the person. Usually how this occurs is when a friendship jumps right into a relationship. And because of that once you two break up, you both don't really know how to act because you were never in a friendship setting with that person. What's even worse is that the only memories with that person would be the ones of the relationship. So how do you act upon this? Personally I still haven't figured it out...

It of course is something all guys would like to know the answer to how to fix it. But I doubt we ever will find an answer, too much of a necessary evil. I know all guys have wished at least one of their relationships did not cut off their whole bond with the person completely, or at least reached back to at least being really close friends. But it is always never that easy.

Unless something in that relationship went really wrong though, memories of the relationship are always amazing. You'll think, it's over, but when I look back, that person was REALLY, and I mean REALLY amazing, everything about them and the time you've spent, but that was another time of your life. But, when you look back at it you'll always be happy, and you'll be glad you were with them because it was fun while it lasted.

Confidence

It's been awhile since I've wrote a post. Mostly just because of how busy I've been with school.

This is just going to be short and simple. A lot I've been thinking recently and day after to day I constantly have to think about making a decision. And what I've thought about is that only you can evaluate yourself. Only you can know what is right or wrong. As much advice you ask from someone or everyone, you make the decision, you know what to do.

Not that saying asking advice is wrong, because it is a great idea. But, be confident about yourself and you'll know what to do.

Fear

Fear,
It is something always remains ever present in every goal.
It is that chill down your spine, Those goosebumps you get as if you were walking through barren frozen wastes.
It does not leave. It remains with you at all costs, in your head, your very mind that controls your actions.
It influences you, it sways you towards the direction it wants you to. It's a giant trap.
It is an evil genius, a mastermind that knows exactly what makes you tick. It knows exactly what you desire and wants to take you away from it.
Fear however can be fought, you can prove it wrong and show what you can do...

Just thoughts pondering my mind. Fear is something that exists at all costs, it comes with all that is good.

JMU application has put me on the fall semester transfer waitlist and will not make a decision until I send my Spring Semester grades. Yet another obstacle stands in my way of my goal. The worst thing is indeed the *fear*. The fear of not getting accepted when the time comes. It has been in the back of my hair for weeks and it is not leaving...at least not until I prove it wrong... The fear of it will not leave me, not until I prove to it that I can reach my goal, which means I will work as hard as ever, this is not the end. And when that day comes, when I find my acceptance, I'll laugh right into the face of fear.

Sacrifice

"I'll give give give, until there's nothing else
Give my all, until it all runs out)"

Sacrifice: 3. The surrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or morepressing claim.

K well, I quit club lacrosse at VCU to focus on my school work for transfer. I have decided to do that since mid winter break.

VCU club lax's first two games were this weekend and I saw some pics and really wish I could play with them. But, we all have different paths in life. I just hope this sacrifice was for the right thing and I just hope it's not too big of a mistake. *Sigh* waiting is definitely the worse thing

Eyes

"Your eyes are looking into mine
So baby make me fly
My heart has never felt this way before
I'm looking through your...I'm looking through your eyes"

I gotta say, the eyes are probably the most attractive/my favorite part of a women's body. I mean sure there are many other things important such as the curves, you know, boobs, butt etc. But a girl with amazingly beautiful eyes always gets me. If you ever have found someone perfect, you just seem to get lost, mesmerized, hypnotized by their eyes. It's an amazing thing how some things in the world work like that. Idk just a random thought haha.

Lyrics above are Beautiful Eyes by Taylor Swift

"Well, I'm going home, back to the place where I Belong"

So home for the weekend in good ole' Herndon/Reston in NOVA. Great to see some of my younger friends that are still in high school and my friends who go up here at NOVA community college.

Home's great I love it, I can often see myself living here after college. I've always thought it's a perfect area to raise a family and start your own independent life after college. Others disagree, but what I want in life after college is all right here.

I'm glad I'm home, it's been about 6 weeks since the start of 2nd semester. I've been away for awhile, but college sure has moved by quick. Jeez 6 weeks. Another 3 weeks and it's already spring break and i'm half way done with this semester. Though definitely awesome to come back, especially under all the stress I've been through with my JMU app and just school...(as you can probably see in the post under this). Home definitely helps calm my nerves and brings me back into sanity haha.

Gonna visit my friend Joan at Swarthmore college with my good friend Dean tomorrow. And go snowboarding sunday. Should be an awesome weekend :) Surprisingly he came back from JMU this weekend too.

Another thing that makes me feel amazing are my nephews, Oliver and Griffin. They're great and I love playing with them. Gosh, honestly can't wait to have children of my own in 7 or 8 years haha. Doesn't seem too long from now.

Thank you home, friends, and especially family. You guys keep me sane haha.

"I'm going home, To the place where I belong
Where your love has always been good enough for me "

Caught off guard, all worked up, waiting for a miracle

Caught off guard, all worked up
the air is as dark and cold as night
Let me go, I'm not done
I swear I'll take just one lifetime

I'm not going, cause I've been waiting for a miracle and I'm not leaving.

Lyrics from, "Letters to God" by Box Car Racer and "Miracle" by Paramore.

Simple as those lyrics. It's come to a fact that life really isn't fair. I'm not saying that I'm going through the worst in the world, because there are WAY more in the world in a worse condition than I am. Hard work pays off in life, but even as hard as you try, it might come down to nothing. Sometimes maybe you just have to accept your limits of the world, and accept maybe "this is who you are". As much as you may want something, sometimes the fact is, life won't let you have it. Sure there are those miracle stories we always hear about, but that is like 1 person out of millions.
People say make sure you have a backup plan, problem is back up plans always have flaws, it's never complete, and it's never as good as what you originally intended or wanted.
I'm not giving up on my goals yet, because I have not done that ONCE in my life time right now. But I am saying that if I don't succeed, then I might as well live an unaccomplished life. Because obviously life does not want me to be completely happy again.
As for the last line in "Letters to God" One life time might honestly be enough, especially if it goes through this much crap the second time. Though if a second life time might be any slightly better, I'd reconsider it.

A story to ponder...

Suit up, boys, We're on vacation
With endless stay and reservations
Saddest girls, Who will await while dying inside?
How will they get by?

Suit up, boys, Let's ride, it's the weekend
Get down, girls and dance with your best friend
Show yourselves, and take what you ask for
Let it go, no fights on the dance floor

The night gets better, but wait, so wonderful
They move together and dance so colorful
And kiss like flowers that breathe with pheromones
Songs get louder, it feels so natural


These are the last couple of stanzas in the song Young London By Angels and Airwaves on their new album LOVE. I gotta say this might be my favorite on their new album. Their new album is even more a space rock sound which I do not mind, but in the case of this song it fits it very well somehow, it gives this song a really catchy, uplifting kinda hope in the lyrics. It also allows the lyrics to be very visual in my opinion which is probably the greatest reason why I love this song.

This seems kinda sappy, but I get a mental picture of 2 groups of friends both from different backgrounds. The first group, the guys, are on a vacation from wherever, I suppose to London, because the song is named after all Young London. The girls I feel like are local people of London, seems like one or more of them have went through a lot of pain recently; I say that referring to the lyrics "Saddest girls, Who will await while dying inside? How will they get by?". So the guys are just looking for an amazing time on a vacation, while the girls are going out to have some fun after some painful times. The next stanza, the guys are suited up and ready to go partying/clubbing, and the girls are already there at the same club dancing their hearts out. "No fights on the dance floor" dancing is always fun, nothing can go wrong out of it. The last part talks about one of the guys and one of the girls meet at the same place while dancing, and an attraction occurs, something sparks, they kiss, and fall in love.

Basically in all summary...kinda reminds me of a chick flick haha...guess more of my sensitive side comes out. But it's interesting, it's a story of two different groups of people some how meeting each other in the most random moment and two people fall in love in the meeting because of it.

But, yeah just a thought haha

Valentine's Day, Some thoughts, and the weekend

Ok well to start off, Valentine's Day was this weekend...not particularly my favorite holiday, it always kinda sucks when you go through it single. Quoting a song from Blink 182 "I'm sick of always hearing all those sad songs on the radio, all day it is there to remind an over sensitive guy that he's lost and alone." Simple as that really. On the brighter side Angels and Airwaves' new album Love came out on Valentine's Day which is for free on their website on Modlife! Downloading it now so I have not listened to it yet. Hopefully I'll enjoy it :D
But in short, Happy Singles Appreciation Day :-P

So my weekend was awesome, probably one of the best road trips I've had so far. Chris came from CNU to VCU and we took a trip down to UNC to go tour the college since he's most likely transferring there. Though the lack of sleep was very detrimental...one hour of sleep is not fun...Soon after we picked up Connor from ECU, and begun our next 6 hour drive to Clemson to go see our very good friends Eric and Sarah. Though it took longer then the predicted 6 hours due to Chris needed to jack up on energy drinks to drive as well as it SNOWED in South Carolina...like really? Us three came down for the warmth not more snow lol

On the way down we've also founded Farmville, it's actually a real place and not just a game on facebook haha. Besides that we've also been screwed over by the GPS about 3 times. One time telling us to go into the forest...another telling us to go into a one way road, and the last time of it putting us into a dead end...

Continuing off of that, we were about 30 minutes away and we were all jamming out to music through the excitement. Though we got cocky, we hit a patch of black ice on the road and spun out about three times we think (so a 1080 rotation) and went into the median of the road. Thankfully we were all ok and the car was undamaged. Thanks to a good Samaritan, he helped us push the car out of snow and we finished the rest of our drive. Thank goodness for that Southern Comfort they all have :)

So after our near death experience it was great to see Sarah and Eric again. It had not been that long since we've seen them since winter break, it's probably only have been a month maybe more. It was also great to finally meet their friends, Eddie, Tim, Whitney, Courtney, Trey, and Alma. We've always have heard so much about them and now I know why they have so much fun in Clemson haha. Btw Tokyo the sushi place we ate at Saturday was awesome, if you ever go to Clemson eat there. Good sushi and not very expensive and filling :)

So the trip home was not too bad, it was shorter than the way there, and the car ride was way more enjoyable. Consisted of very memorable quotes such as..."Imagine having a crane on the back of your flatbed truck swinging side to side smashing cars....the road would be yours!!" from Connor and "Ronny's coming for me!!" from Chris while playing beer pong...yeah don't ask it's kinda you have to be there thing...

But overall I had an amazing time and it can all be consisted as this...

-Gas money for the whole trip: $120+
-Supply of Bud Light and rum: $56
-The drive: 12 Hours of our life...
-Connor peeing on a guy by a dumpster: A very good laugh.
-Spinning out doing a 1080 because of ice in South Carolina and surviving with no injuries and car damage priceless...haha

No school again?

K so VCU got classes canceled again because of massive snow storms...(which never happens in Richmond, this has happened for the 3rd time I think). Well it was pretty crazy in the morning, but ironically now around 2-3pm, it's sunny and the roads are clear haha. Well guess I'll enjoy this day, however I got to study just the same amount today whether classes were canceled or not...

I do feel bad for VT though haha, they definitely got more snow than us and did not get classes canceled...sorry Tyler and Kathryn lol.

It's been awhile...

Well this is probably my first post in the last 7 or 8 months...So I guess I'll go over why I'm starting to blog again, just mostly to blow some steam and stress off my mind as well as it could be fun for a little bit. Probably gonna serve as a online, semi open journal.

In review, the rest of my senior year of high school was great. I had and still have a great group of friends from then. I hold them all dearly in my memories and life and I don't see us all growing apart until after college. Who knows, we all could still be in touch for the rest of our lives. But, as for now I'll live in the present and I don't see them going anywhere. I do miss high school a lot, just because home was so familiar and everyone was all so close. You kinda hate to see everyone all move apart and start on each of their own separate new lives. But, when you arrive back on break...it seems like everything the same all over again. Recently, I often wonder about how my younger friends are doing, like Troy and Matt. A year younger than I am, but they are more than half way there to the point where I'm at now and my advice to the young in high school, enjoy your time there, no regrets, and don't forget those memories. In my opinion college is great and all, but I disagree a common perception of how it is labeled "The best time of your life". Freedom, drinking, partying, having fun, and well sadly studying...is great and all, but high school can easily match all the fun you have here. To be honest, I've had crazy stories in college, but majority of them cannot even compare to the memories I've had in high school. Might be different for others, but I would have to say these 8 years, not 4, should be the great moments of your life.

Then summer came, oh was that great :) Beach week, trip with the family to the bahamas, I could not as for more. I would definitely have to say, greatest summer of my life (at least so far). I could not argue about that at all. If I were to list all those moments, I would be going on FOREVER!! That summer was only made special because of my loved ones and friends, especially one significant other, they know who they are. I could not ask for a better time in my life because of this person, but that's all moved on and was only one moment of my life. I live in the past a little too much. Currently my constant goal is to live in the present to be honest.


Here now in college at VCU, I had fun at first, but I ended up discovering myself a lot more. It's funny, you think you know who you are until something just strikes you out of nowhere, then you change. Haha it's almost like puberty, or right before you go to high school. It's like what my friend Eric said...there's always that awkward stage for people in life, and that was Middle School for most of us.

Anyway, I digress. Mostly what I discovered was, I no longer wanted to be an engineering major, I changed to undecided with a music minor, and now I'm currently looking to major in political science or sociology.

When I got to VCU, I was excited, like most college kids. I mean why wouldn't I be excited for college. I had fun at first partied, kept grades up, but after about the first week or two, I began to hate/strong dislike Richmond/VCU. Mostly because I wasn't doing something like band anymore which was a huge life style. A lot of the people here are cool, but not a lot of people I could get become pretty close friends with. People here are just way different than I am. Guess VCU/Richmond is no place for an Preppy Twinky Asian haha, as all my high school friends would say..."Pssh Ronny's not Asian". Another thing about VCU is too many racial cliques, as in Asians hang out with Asians, African-Americans hang out with each other, and about goes the same with Caucasians. Though VCU is racial diverse number wise, in my opinion socially, people do not diversify at all.

Because of these many reasons: Change of life style, needing to do band/drumline, and that the majority type of people here aren't right for me, I've been working on trying to transfer to JMU. It used to my first choice for colleges, I just never got in. For now I have a 4.0 and trying to maintain it, and just really focusing on my grades to get in to there. I know in my mind what I want to do now, and I know JMU is the right place for me, now it's just split half and half. 50% of me maintaining my grades and 50% based on what they think about me.

Well that was a lot to type, but myself in a nutshell the past 8 months or so. Hope whoever reads this will enjoy my blog. The posts after this will DEFINITELY be shorter haha.